i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
