haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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