The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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