do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
