He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
