There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
