it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
