he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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