I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
