I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I have feelings that need drinking.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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