look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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