The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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