I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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