Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dignity is for republicans.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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