I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
