She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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