i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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