We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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