just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
These tits shall not be calmed
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
