my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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