I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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