Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
