Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
