this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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