that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
