I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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