My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
