I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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