I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
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Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
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I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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