I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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