quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
