if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
