Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
they need to just BURY HIM!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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