I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
