I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
