she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
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I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
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Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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