Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
