My underwear smells like fireworks.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
