I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
