A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
