i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Mom said you looked used
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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