your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
