she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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