Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
