ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
