Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
