I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
