Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
