So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
