you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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