do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
