Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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