How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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