and i looked up. we had an audience...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
