Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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