Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
