Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
