I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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