That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
meet me or not, i'm out of control
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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