Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Can I color on your dick again?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
