It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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