Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
