i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
