God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
