i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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