How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
