Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
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At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
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Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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