who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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