FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she smelled like a LAN party
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
