you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
