I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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