Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize