is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
